Magazine Monday

Adultery

Blog: Living Freely
(www.brandisthoughts.com)

I began to think He didn’t choose well. His love kept betraying Him. She would love him and live with Him and life would look good and then she would grow restless. She began cheating on Him. Over and over. This was actually her PATTERN of life. Love Him, cheat on Him, life begins to go wrong and she runs back to Him hoping He’ll take her back. He does. Every time. And every time my heart breaks a little. Really? He’s taking her back again? She’s just going to cheat on Him again. WHY does she do this? Doesn’t she see that part of the pattern is that after the cheating life gets hard? Those that she cheats with never make her happy. Simply heartbreaking, but a story that is played out every day, all over the world. It’s the stuff of Lifetime movies and of real life, unfortunately.

We liken ourselves to God and make distinctions about what should and should not be forgiven. We hear a story like the one above and believe, SHE should not be forgiven. Toss her out! On the other hand, we look at our own lives and think I should never be forgiven. I have heard over and over, "If you only knew what I’ve done and who I am". This is one of the enemy’s greatest lies and schemes. If he can make us put ourselves in the judges seat and determining who will and will not receive forgiveness, then he has won on 2 fronts. He has created a judgemental, unforgiving people and a people that will not accept the forgiveness that God offers.

The story I shared about my friend and His love illustrates crazy love. Love that is abundant and pursuing and dangerous. His love knows no bounds. As much as I think it’s crazy for Him to keep allowing her to come back, I also want that kind of love. I think we all do.

Guess what? He’s available. Yes, the story above is from the book of Judges. Read the first few chapters and you’ll get the picture quickly. These words are repeated throughout the book in this order, "Then the land had peace for 40 years . . .Again the Israelites did evil in the eyes of the Lord (in other places, "did whatever they wanted and didn’t care about the Lord"). . .They were captured by so and so and life got very hard . . .They cried out to the Lord. . .He heard and rescued them". That’s crazy love. Even as the Isrealites abandoned the Lord and cheated on Him in the midst of a great life, He loved them and never left them. This happened over and over again. They loved Him and left Him. Life got hard and they begged for another chance. It sounds crazy for Him to take them back but for my sake, I’m sure glad He does.

He offers us that same kind of love. He offers THAT kind of faithfulness. No matter our cheating hearts, He is waiting. We can’t go too far (just read what the Israelites did!) or stray too long. He is always waiting to take us back. Crazy love. Abundant love.

Makes you want to be faithful, doesn’t it? Makes you want to examine your heart and ask, "Where am I cheating?". Lord, I don’t want to cause you pain like that. I want to be faithful to that crazy, abundant love that you offer. ~

The Big Picture

Blog: Random Thoughts
(deanne-randomthoughts.blogspot.com)

Back in the old days, late 70s and early 80s, when you went to see a concert you actually watched the performers. Side note - I do believe my first concert was Styx in Little Rock, early 1981. My very cool, and much younger than my unhip parents, aunt and uncle took me and some friends while Mom and Dad babysat my newborn cousin. I’m not sure if they kept both my cousins or just the one. Anyway, I digress...

Even if you didn’t have great seats, you were steadily watching the stage. Trying to make sure you didn’t miss anything. Then along came the advent of the screens on the sides of the stage. Helped you see the singers better. One of the first ones of those I remember was Alan Jackson, I think. Anyway, at the time we thought it was so cool to see the singers so "close up". Of course, with that you only see what the cameraman thinks is important to see, not all the action. Now there is a full on video extravaganza going on around and behind the performers. We just saw Brad Paisley and he had video stuff all over! He even had Keith Urban and Allison Krause there digitally for his duets with them. The Allison Krause was so convincing that it took a while to realize that she wasn’t real.

But I catch myself watching so much of all the extra stuff that I’m not actually watching the stage anymore. I could be sitting at home in front of my television and not inside a packed arena. I’m missing the show itself because I’m looking at the Big Picture.

That started me to thinking. How much of life are we missing because we’re looking at the Big Picture? We’re working crazy hours to fund a child’s future education, but missing the time at home helping with homework. We want big and better houses without realizing that if we’re not there to enjoy them, or if they aren’t filled with love then they are nothing but four walls and roof. We plan for a future retirement and all the things we want to do, without remembering that the here and now is all that we’re promised. We want the Big Picture but forget that it is the small details that make it complete. An unpainted canvas on a wall is not much to look at. A child’s drawing on a refrigerator can be a masterpiece.

So stop next time. Stop planning so much and wanting the next big thing. Enjoy the day that you’ve been given for what it is - a gift. Quit looking at the video screen and watch the stage. Its much more interesting.

The Night Before Grace

Blog: The Murphy’s
(christalljasongrace.blogspot.com)

Today has been a day full of crazy emotions. I was sitting in the car while Grace was in her science class just praying and thinking about tomorrow and I was struck with the realization that the feelings I was having were the same feelings I had the night before Grace was born.

I love that we got to know exactly when she would come. Though it was because both she and I were very sick, it is still nice to be able to look back on that night and remember everything - simply because we were aware that it was "the" last night I was going to be pregnant.

On that night, Jason looked different to me. He wasn’t *just* my husband any longer, he was the father of this amazing child (we didn’t know if she was a he or a she yet!). He wasn’t just the guy I loved to be with, he was the man that would kiss skinned knees, read bedtime stories, and tuck in this little miracle we were waiting for.

That night I had a hard time finding words to express what I was feeling and thinking so we spent a lot of time just sitting together. We sat and simply immersed ourselves in THAT moment. Knowing that the next day would bring a change that was so vast we couldn’t possibly imagine the results.

Today as I sat in the car I felt those same feelings wash over me. Tomorrow, our lives will change in a way that we aren’t even able to fully comprehend. If we pass court tomorrow, we will have, in essense, delivered a 47 pound baby (ok, little) girl into our family. Much like labor and delivery we have no idea when this new addition will come, this time in the form of a phone call rather than an actual birth. It *could* simply be false labor (I’m so thankful I didn’t have to deal with that when I was pregnant with Grace!) if we don’t pass court tomorrow - we’ll be sent home from the hospital (given the courts requirements and have a 2nd court hearing scheduled). If we do pass court, our family will grow from 3 to 4. Though she isn’t here for us to hold or see, she will be our daughter in every sense; legally, emotionally, and spiritually (I think that happened a long time ago).

I’ve been so busy this month (Thank you Jesus) that I haven’t had time to really dwell on what tomorrow means. Today, however, I did have some time to think, and feel, and pray about the enormity of tomorrow.

A woman who knows nothing more about our family than what is written about us on a few (ok, lots) pieces of paper will weigh all of the options and decide if we are suitable to be Seble’s parents. If she feels we are, then the outcome is favorable and we move onto the next step (traveling). If she isn’t certain, she’ll request more information from our agency and schedule another court date.

Truthfully, I wouldn’t want her job for anything. I’d rather be the emotional wreck of a mom that I am than a woman who has to make such life-changing, life-altering decisions.

Unlike childbirth, we won’t know the exact moment Seble becomes our daughter (providing we pass court). There will be no throaty first cries, no cheers for the new parents, in fact we might sleep through the whole thing (wouldn’t that be a great alternative to childbirth!). Since Ethiopia is 11 hours ahead of us, we simply have NO idea when we will know the fate of our day. In some respects, giving birth to a child is a much easier proposition. It has a pretty definate beginning and end. When the baby is born, you’re done (with the birth part anyway) and you certainly know when the baby is born...

That is a luxury we won’t have tomorrow. So I’ll be attached to my phone from the moment I wake up. Checking every 10 minutes to make sure it’s still turned on, that the ringer is up all the way, that I have good reception... I bet I’ll be a little tearful waiting for Susan’s name to pop up on our caller id. I know I’ll hug Grace every chance I get, since it could be her last day as my *only*.

Other than that - it will be a birth day just like any other. Prayerfully we’ll end our day with a new addition to our family.

I would like to ask again if you could keep us in your prayers. Pray for direction for the judge that she might act in Seble’s best interest. Pray for my peace tomorrow, pray that Grace will have that same peace and that she can endure the waiting which is just as hard for her.

Until tomorrow...

Bloggers Anonymous

Blog: I’m Ghana Adopt
(imghanaadopt.blogspot.com)

Oh no ... I just found out that I have a serious disorder ... I have an addiction ...

"Hi. My name is Laurel. I’m addicted to blogging."

Seriously, I just read an article that gives, "3 Reasons Moms are Addicted to the Internet". And, this is serious stuff. This article has quotes from the "professionals" talking as if this is as serious as a drug or alcohol addiction. Now, I am sure there are some women that are completely over-the-top, but I do fit their profile.

Let’s look at a few snippets of the article ...

" ... my Internet habit was slowly but surely crossing the line. Sometimes I found myself up into the wee hours of the morning, surfing the web while my family slept. I read the news, kept up with friends, and looked up answers to endless questions. I wrote my personal blog and read dozens of others, just for something to do."

Okay, readers, be honest now ... how many of you fit this profile? Yes ... I am an addict.

"These moms are contributing to the growing global addiction. There’s a movement among psychiatrists to recognize Internet addiction as an official mental disorder (just like alcohol dependency). And a recent Stanford University national survey found that 14 percent of Internet users find it hard to stay away from it for several days at a time; 9 percent try to hide their "nonessential Internet use" from their loved ones; 8 percent admit they use the web as a way to escape problems."

If I am at home 24/7 with 7 of my kids, yes, I would find it hard to stay away from the Internet for several days at a time. Yes ... I am an addict.

"You’re likely not the kind of addict that Moore has seen ... women who don’t bathe and abuse drugs to help them stay "up" for more online time. You may have noticed, though, that going online has become an imposing part of your life, which, at least, means a load or two of laundry goes unwashed (and who cares about that?)"

Oh no ... I must be seriously addicted ... I have sat at the computer in my bathrobe (therefore, avoiding bathing). But, no, I am not abusing drugs. (Is Green Tea a drug? I’m addicted to that too.) Yes, I have probably neglected my laundry, too. But, there’s always more, so why sweat it? Yes ... I am an addict.

"In addiction treatment, we talk about the fact that there’s a void," says Moore. "Whatever that void may be ... whether it’s emotional, spiritual, physical ... typically, we’re trying to fill it." For many new moms, she says, that void is the isolation."

Yes, I admit it. I have a void in my life. I have the serious need to interact with people over the age of 15. I love my kids dearly, but I also need to interact with adults. So, yes ... I am an addict.

"Being a mom of young children can be very solitary," agrees Jay Parker, cofounder of Internet/Computer Addiction Services in Redmond, Washington. So, it’s easy for them to turn online, he explains, to find other parents and create a world there where they are not alone. Once that world is created, it becomes an escape that moms may turn to whenever they’re stressed, lonely, bored, or sad. In addiction, they become dependent on that escape."

I am so glad that a "professional" finally has realized that the career of motherhood can be very solitary. But .... WHY is it wrong for these lonely moms to find friendships online??? If we don’t have stay-at-home moms next door, to share a cup of sugar with and chat over the white picket fence with ... because all of the women in the neighborhood are busy with their careers ... WHY is it a bad thing that we have found another way to find like-minded moms. (Yes, I realize some of my dearest blogging friends work full-time, so please don’t be offended.) But, since I have not worked full-time this year, I have had much more time for my blogging. So, yes ... I am an addict.

Oh yes ... I was so excited to find out that there is an Internet/Computer Addiction Service in Redmond, WA. I’ll make sure and pass the info. along to my husband, so that he’ll know where to commit me when he finds me comatose on the keyboard. (Note to my big kids that read this ... you should probably make note of this resource, as I can’t tell Papa about it. Remember, I must hide my "non-essential" Internet time from the man that I love.)

"If it were just an escape that moms were looking for, however, they could flip on the TV or pick up a book. But according to a recent Babytalk.com poll, more than double the amount of moms choose the computer over books or the boob tube during their babies’ naps, showing that they’re looking for something more than an escape: connection, yes, but also a way to express themselves."

Again ... WHY is this bad??? Ummm... the "boob tube" is a better escape? Because Soap Operas are so healthy??? Oh man ... confession time ... "Hi. My name is Laurel. I used to be addicted to Soap Operas. Now, I have transferred that addiction to my Blog." Yes ... I am an addict.

10% of all advertising proceeds go to ministries and charities making a difference.

"I’m just a mother in real life, but online, I can be a whole person," says Ashley, a mom of 2 year old twins from Las Vegas, of her four-hour-a-day online habit."

This author sounds like she thinks Ashley should be committed to a treatment center and her children put in foster care. Come on ... I’m going to give Ashley the benefit of the doubt (which relieves some of my Addiction guilt), and believe that she is online during the kids’ 2 hour afternoon nap, and again for 2 hours after they’ve gone to bed at night. Is there really a problem with this???

Did you notice where dear Ashley lives ... Las Vegas. Maybe she should head downtown, pop the babies into a double-stroller, and find some real addictions at the Casino. Would that be better?

Having personally been the mother of 2 year old twins ... I can understand her addiction. I can sympathize with her. When I had 6 children under 6 years old, I am sure that I would have been addicted to the Internet, if it had been invented. But, I had to suffice with my old "boob tube" Soap Operas. Did any of you see Luke & Laura’s wedding on General Hospital? Yes ... I am an addict.

"Think you might be hooked? Try keeping a journal of how often you go online for a week. Then assess what you’re missing out on when you do it ... sleep, family time, work? Also note in your journal what was going on each time you decided to sit down at the computer. Was it right after a fight with your husband? Were you bored? By figuring out the triggers that send you seeking refuge online, Moore says, you can come up with alternative activities that help you deal. If you’re stressed, for example, you might take your baby out for a walk."

Moore also suggests making small weekly goals that get you involved with the real world: Join a playgroup or grab coffee with a friend. And if you can’t control your habit on your own, talk to a therapist who deals with addiction."

Nope ... I’m not going to do it ... I am not going to keep a journal. (I’m a rebellious addict.) Yes ... I could be sleeping right now. No ... I don’t use it as an excuse to get out of Family Time. (I LOVE Family Time.) No ... I am not missing out on work. Remember, I lost my job, which is why I now find myself "seeking refuge" online. Seeking Refuge??? Whatever!!!

Well, now ... I can’t really find any playgroups for the 7-15 crowd. And, the kids are too big for McDonalds Playland. I do occasionally join the "real world" by grabbing coffee with a friend. But, is it really better for my family, for me to leave 7 children home alone, so that I can go have coffee with a friend, or for me to stay at home, and chat with friends online?

Nope ... I can’t control the habit. And, nope ... I can’t afford a therapist. Since I lost my job, which caused this addiction, I can’t afford treatment at the Internet/Computer Addiction Service.

Looks like I’ll have to create an online therapy outlet. Would anyone like to join "Bloggers Anonymous" with me? We could chat online everyday, just to make sure we’re not spending too much time online, and to encourage each other not to be online. How’s that sound?

Oh ... as for the "professionals". I have some therapy that I think they might benefit from. Why don’t I trade places with them? I can go sit in their comfy offices, play on their computers, and chat with their business associates, while they come spend quality time with my kids (since I have neglected them due to my addiction). But, the only difference is ... we will make sure to unplug all technology while they spend a month at my house. No computer, no phone, no television. Just kids and books. Oh, and games. I’m sure my children will want to teach them Candyland and Yahtzee. And, they could bake cookies, too. I’m sure they’ll enjoy it. But, if they get stressed, I can find a baby for them to take for a walk. They will feel so empowered by this experience that they will certainly choose to get rid of their own internet once they get home.

Busyness: The Thief of Family Memories

Blog: Disciple Like Jesus
(www.DiscipleLikeJesus.com)

"Seventeen summers" said the busy father, wistfully describing the memory of his oldest child growing up. He continued, "We get seventeen summer vacations, and then our children are gone." His statement stung me as I thought about my own family experience. Is that all there is with parenting; seventeen family vacations? If scripture teaches that children are a blessing, why am I not enjoying that blessing?

I thought about my own busy schedule; go to work Monday through Friday with some evening work, then Monday night- Deacon’s meeting/basketball practice, Tuesday night- church visitation, Wednesday night- prayer meeting & youth Choir, Friday night- youth group meeting, Saturday- basketball game, yard work and church social, Sunday- teach Sunday School, attend worship, and back to church by 5:00pm for discipleship classes and evening worship. Most days we ate fast food or restaurant food while running to activities. My schedule allowed me exactly one night per week to spend with my family, and guess how we spent it? We went out to dinner, then watched television, a movie or I was on the internet! At one point my wife worked outside of the home, which would have made things even worse. Now she was busy providing taxi service to and from school, to basketball, to dance. Add to that television, video games, neighborhood friends and all kinds of other activities that I couldn’t oversee.

I realized that virtually every activity we were involved in divided our family! The "treadmill" that we were on was a thief of one of the greatest blessings of God; time with our children. In every arena of our life our relationships with others were superficial, and our busyness was contributing to superficial relationships with our children!

You have probably heard the statement that nobody gets to the end of their life and says, "I sure wish I had spent more time at work" or "I should have spent more time watching television" or "I wish I had made more money." What do people say? They say, "I wish I had spent more time with my loved ones." Even the respected evangelist Billy Graham said that if he could do it over again, he would spend more time with his family. But this problem is not unique to busy people like Dr. Graham. Most Americans can identify with this problem; it is a sign of the times. The problem is we can’t see it.

Doug Phillips, president of Vision Forum asks this question, "Does a fish know that it is wet?" We answer, "Of course not. The fish has always lived in water. It is all the fish has ever known." This is a very good analogy of our condition; we don’t realize that we are soaking wet with busyness, with keeping up with the Jones, with being consumed by things that have little long term value, and our relationships with others suffer.

For the parent, what has the greatest value, and what will bring us the best memories? Training up our children has great value; showing them how to live can change the world. Deuteronomy 6:7 tells this to fathers, "You shall teach them (God’s words) diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up." I realized that in all my busyness, and in all our activities, I could not obey this command.

Our best example of parenting is shown in the New Testament, with Jesus. Jesus had a Father and a stepfather. Jesus said this about His Father in John 5:20, "For the Father loves the Son, and shows Him all things that He himself does; and He will show Him greater works than these, that you may marvel." God personally trained and modeled to His Son what He expected. Joseph personally taught Jesus the trade of carpentry. Although Jesus may have learned a few things from Jewish scholars (and vice-versa), the primary responsibility was assumed by His Father and stepfather.

Today our family lives in the quiet, rural community of Landrum, South Carolina. I work out of my home; my children help me with tasks I need to get done. I teach them things I’ve learned. Now that we home school, our children’s SAT scores have improved, and my wife is enjoys "relearning" as she teaches most of the academics. We stay together during the activities at our small church. We have ministry projects we do as a family; our purpose is to be salt and light to our community. Each evening we sing hymns, read and talk about the Bible, and pray together. I tell my children stories of how God has worked in my life. We play ping pong and outdoor games. We read stories, play board games and do puzzles together. We get together with other families for fellowship. Now most evenings are spent together as a family. As I write this article I am drawn to the wonderful, familiar aroma of a home cooked meal, and the delightful sound of laughter.

Was this an easy change? No way! We have been far outside of our comfort zone. Our family income is much lower. I have been challenged to find a job that I can do from our home. We live in a less expensive home. Our drive time to the grocery store is now 25 minutes, instead of 10. Our children protested our move, and our oldest child resented our decision for a while. The children were bored at first as we slowed down, unplugged, and made other changes. We miss our friends. I gave up golf. Living together has required many adjustments from each family member. Our new lifestyle is in stark contrast with the status quos of the American culture; in some ways it is a throwback to earlier times.

However, we are beginning to see what a blessing our children are. We are making new friends. We already have some new memories together; busyness could never buy this! My wife loves her role as a Proverbs 31 woman. Our children are growing academically and spiritually; they are involved in ministry, rather than programs. Proverbs 13:20 says this, "Those who walk with the wise will become wise, but the companion of fools will be destroyed." Since our children now spend more time with their parents than with other children (the biblical characterization of all children is fools), we have more influence in their lives. Now that I know my children better I can see their individual strengths and weaknesses. I believe that I will be much better prepared to advise them about their future calling and vocation. Our time together is starting to yield some sweet fruit! Who knows what the future holds, but I don’t think we will regret this decision.

Postlog: I wrote this article in 2005. Now, three years later we have seen the Lord work in our lives in more ways than I can adequately explain. I will never regret the extra time that I have spent with my family. Our children are truly blessings. It has been a privilege to get to know them better, and to guide them as they pursue the Lord’s will in their lives individually. I love and appreciate my wife more than ever. We have sacrificed much, but the benefits outweigh the costs by an eternal margin. I thank the Lord for His intervention in our lives.

Little Miss Lucky

Blog: The Classy Closet
(keepitclassyjen.blogspot.com)

This weekend I have been Little Miss Lucky because I had a very serious ALMOST tragedy. I went out with my sister and Boston on Saturday to a local fair during the day. Before leaving I asked DH to boil a few bottles for me(I never ask him to it).

We went and had a great time...$5 all you can eat gumbo at the booths that were set up....perfect right?? Little Mr. Boston was having a great time people watching and being the most perfect little one year old on a smoldering Louisiana day!

My sis had a wedding to start getting ready for that night so we only went for five hours or so. I get home. She puts down the top on her cute VW Bug and drives away. I have Boston in my arms and we walk into the house. There was SMOKE everywhere. I immediately sprint out of the door SCREAMING for my sis who had already made it down my block. She comes back and I THROW Boston to her, run inside, and grab Daisy(blonde cocker spaniel). I go back in and immediately see the kitchen is where the smoke it coming from. The BOTTLES! The stove was left on as DH was at the gym. All bottles had completely melted into the pot. DHHHHH!!

All things turned out ok....loss of bottles that’s it. One way to ween off of them! The thing that scared me the most was the feelings that were revisited from my past. Those from Hurricane Katrina where I lost everything that was important to me. I couldn’t imagine losing everything twice...especially Boston’s things.

So I am THANKFUL for having my house, my puppy, and my THINGS.

Travels to the Mind

Blog: Spring Rain
(springraine.blogspot.com)

I had an interesting weekend. I drove to NJ with my Dad and sister Amata on Friday. We headed up East for a visit with my grandpa, and it was beyond an emotionally draining weekend. My grandpa is going to be 80 in March. About two years ago was the last time I saw him lucid...from there, he went downhill. In June ‘06, he traveled to my parents’ house (about 10-12 hour drive for him). During his visit, they began to notice a few inconsistencies in his stories, and he mentioned to my dad that he was having double vision. My dad drive him back to NJ that time, to find that his eye dr. had decided he shouldn’t drive more than ONE mile...and he had taken an approximately 400 mile trip. At that point he moved in with my aunt, until he fell and needed hospitalization. He was then in the hospital for about 10 days that fall ...from there he moved into the nursing home where he still lives.

It was so, extremely hard to see him like he was. It brings the saying to mind "You don’t appreciate what you have until it is taken away." So, so true in this case. He used to be my grandfather, a man who loved nature, photography, being an involved deacon at his church, and his family.

Now...he seems to be nothing of the man he was. Now, he is a man who during our Saturday night dinner, put his salad in his soup, and ate it as such. A man who didn’t remember who we were until our names were spoken, but rather knew that he should recognize us. A man who proclaimed "See those wonderful yellow apartments buildings? Those are new!" to a parking lot full of school buses. A man who dumped milk into his coffee at the diner, when he usually drinks it black. A man who stole my uncle’s drink, thinking it was his...and passed my uncle’s oatmeal cookie around the dinner table as if it were Communion. A man who spoke to us as if we were in a church RCIA meeting rather than his family, sitting around supporting him. A man who proclaimed to my dad, "Where is your star baby- the wife??", unable to recall my mom’s name. A man who came up to me in his nursing home with his shirt not buttoned even halfway and asked "I look okay?"-- how humbling it is to help clothe an older member of the family.

And yet, for one milli-second during church on Sunday, I caught a glimpse of the old Grandpa, when he leaned over to me and whispered "It’s the people that make the parish." One lucid thought the whole weekend, and one I will treasure forever-- because for just a second, he was back.

Me...

Blog: Kylea Poole
(kyleapoole.blogspot.com)

I am finding myself at a rather transitional phase in my life for lack of a better description, and this ‘phase’ seems to be lasting a few years :) To say that I never expected to be where I’m at in my life right now is the understatement of the year! I just turned 28 in January (yes, I’ve just admitted my age) and everyone keeps telling me you are so young! To me age is truly a number, but at 25 I kinda freaked, I felt like I was starting my life all over again, not a place I wanted to be. If you would’ve asked me 10 years ago where I’d be today, I would’ve said married with a family. Well, 10 years later I am single and have 4 dogs! Can you say…what!?!?!? Trust me, I have days when I am like how in the world did I get here!?!?!? For those of you reading this that don’t know me, I was married at the young age of 21 and divorced 2 years later. I’ll spare you the details, but I truly have spent the last 4-5 years rebuilding my life and figuring out who I am as a person. Not to mention jumping back into the dating scene as an adult…but that’s an entirely different story in and of itself! Though this is not where I planned to be in life, I’m learning and living to accept it. For the most part I’m ok with it, but I’m human and if I’m honest I have my days where it’s really hard! I’ve always thought I would have kids, I’ve always loved kids and most people that know me have always said, you will make a great mom someday. Over the past 2 years that desire, the need to have kids of my own has diminished, and I can tell you that that is only God working in my life. However, if God’s plan is for me to remain single my entire life, I’m not on board with that…yet. I do believe if that is His will for my life, He can bring me to that point. However, I often find myself a bit inpatient (I know, hard to imagine). I wish that God would just drop me a note saying this is my plan, this is my timeline. The detail personality in me would love that! However, I realize the reality of that wish is it’s not going to happen!

So much has changed in my life over the past 7-8 years it’s sometimes hard to believe. I feel like I should be 40 years old because of what I’ve walked through already in my lifetime. However, I do know one thing for certain, I wouldn’t go back and change it and I don’t regret any of the decisions I’ve made. Where I am at in life and what I’ve gone through has formed me into the woman that I am today, even though I’m still very much a work in progress. The bible verse that I have on this blog for Faith, is the same verse that I’ve been clinging to the past couple of years, in fact it hangs write on my computer monitor at work so I am daily reminded of God’s promise: "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." –Hebrews 11:1

Another thing that has become very clear to me is that life is short, we have no promise of tomorrow and I might as well enjoy where I’m at and live life to the fullest! That too is a work in progress for me. Those of you that know me well know that I have a bit of OCD (mom, no comment from you!). I am a high-detail, structure and schedule orientated person. While I’m forced to have a level of structure and schedule with a job, home and 4 dogs – I probably am a bit more OC about it than some would be.

Yesterday nearing the end of the work day I received a call from my brother inviting me to meet them for pizza. They had tried to reach me the night before and we were unable to connect, so he was trying again. My initial reaction was that of…ugh…I’m so tired, I want to go home and crash, and I was gone the night before. But, I stopped and said yes, I’d love too…pizza at my favorite pizza place, time with my brother, sister-in-law and my favorite nephew. We had a wonderful time, the food was yummy and Ian always does my heart well! As I was driving home after meeting them, I thought to myself, you need to do this stuff more often! I need to not always be so rigid! Lost time can never be found and you might not always get that second chance. I need to step back and not get so frustrated with some of the little things in life...like a few muddy paws prints on my floors, and a few thousand dog hairs, but be thankful for the pitter-patter of the little and big paws running around my house that keep me company day in and day out, no matter what my attitude towards them is!

All this to say…I have experienced more heartache and pain in my life than I’d wish upon anyone. I wouldn’t wish for my worst enemy to experience a divorce. While I don’t blame all the pain entirely on others, I was as much a part of the picture and adding to the situation, but it still has been extremely hard. I’ve tried to not be bitter from what I’ve gone through but instead to grow from it. I still struggle with that, especially in the realm of dating. Rejection, judgment and hurt from others is never easy to swallow. I want to be a positive person, negativity drives me nuts. But I have to really work hard at that and check myself often. I also have to remind myself that God created me in His image, He holds me in the palm of His hand, He hears my every prayer, He knows my every hurt, He loves me unconditionally, He thinks I’m beautiful (Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart." -1 Samuel 16:7b) and He will never leave me nor forsake me. I find myself forever grateful for God’s grace. Grace defined is "unmerited divine assistance given to humans for their regeneration or sanctification, a virtue coming from God". My divorce by far was the hardest thing I’ve ever walked through in my entire life. I found myself clinging to God for I knew not how I was going to get through this. Completely broken and bruised from the choices I’ve made was exactly where I was. This sin had a price tag that was far greater than I. But Jesus was waiting to bring me new hope in Him, for His grace will always be greater than sin. No matter where I’ve been, or what I’ve done, His grace is always and will forever be, greater than my sin! So not only I am thank for His grace, but His forgiveness and patience....as I’m truly a work in progress!

I don’t know where I found this quote, but it stuck with me…

Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass...it’s about learning to dance in the rain...live simply, love generously, care deeply, speak kindly and leave the rest to God.

Is Saving Your Marriage A Priority?

Blog: Marriage Max
(www.marriagemax.com)

For some, marriage doesn’t require much work and little compromise, but for rest of us, marriage has turned out to be nothing like we imagined. You know the story; you meet someone, you fall in love and without even realizing it, at some point you start resenting the little things and you let your resentment build until you want to explode. You feel like you don’t know the person you married and they don’t know you, and in all honesty, it isn’t that your spouse is a different person, it’s that you both are different and you need to find away to reconnect to the people you are now. Not who you were then.

Once upon a time your love life felt like a fairy tale. When you married you didn’t dream of divorce, you dreamt of happily ever after. Sadness and marital woe weren’t concerns of yours because they were incomprehensible. Somewhere along the line you lost sight and now you need help. There are many factors that cause a marriage to unravel at the seams; children, in-laws, accidents; loss of jobs, death, with all these come additional stress and strain into your life. Arguments ensue and before you know it, you can’t even speak to the person you have pledged your life to. In sickness and in health is the promise you made to each other, but it is turning out to be a promise hard kept.

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